Time to write another thank you :)

photo (that I cropped a teensy bit) by rae barnes
Brett!

Summer of 2005 is when I met you in the Kitchen of Saranac Village and I was just so excited and drawn in by your lively personality and your enthusiasm. I mean you were so excited to be showing us all the different parts of the kitchen and I was, at first, not excited I was going to be cooking for a whole month... Now I would die without cooking a good meal... who knew!

But I honestly appreciate you a ton. I feel like you are an incredibly old soul but you're so ready to move onto good, new, and way better things. I'm really stoked for you that you've moved and you're just not afraid of what God is going to put in your hands. I see a guy that is just totally confident in what God is providing and promising. I am bummed that I cannot visit you and see you for the first time in, what is it? Two years? Way too long! I love our phone conversations and how you totally help me through my doubts. You are a saving grace sometimes when I am feeling down. We'll totally hang out in Wilmington soon and try to surf and just be total beach bums. I totally think that is our calling, my friend! :)

But I want to thank you for being my friend and keeping in contact with me since my work crew session has ended. I am truly blessed to have you as a friend and I am so glad that I can relate to you and you to me. You definitely encourage me to learn more about our Creator and to learn more about the world. If I ever want to read something new, recommend a new read, or most of the time ask what to read and what to learn.. you definitely have an answer. I love that you don't think I am a huge nerd for reading! I mean you can't, you kinda went to school for that. haha! But yea, you're awesome and I thank God for you being in my life. You're sweet... you're a sweetHEART... you're talented and just an amazing friend. Thanks so much, you're awesome :)

-nath

P.S. to any readers, check out rae's website (its the website under brett's picture)! She is a wonderful girlie I met this past summer through one of my summer staff bosses, Chris (Rae is Chris's wifey :P) and her photography is just as wonderful! I mean who doesn't like seeing pictures of people captured being in love! :} Barnes is based in the Adirondack Region of New York... so if you know of people getting married or you're getting married... contact her! she's so creative!! GO GO GO!

Things I love this week:

Long Phone Conversations I love being able to talk for a long time on the phone with a friend that you haven't been able to talk to in a while. My friend Kevin, from california, called this past week and I just totally loved that conversation where we've been able to update each other on our lives. We've both been busy with school and misc. things but we talked about everything from school to travel. Pretty awesome.

Realizations I realize I'm a highly visual person. I don't know. I read this quote in Nylon magazine by MK Olsen where she says that she is the same way and everything she does has to be pleasing to the eyes. I Love art and expressing yourself. There doesn't have to be a reason for it but I'm just terribly bored when people all look the same and do the same stuff. I also was watching the top 40 videos of 2007 (according to VH1) and I loved the videos and how artistic they were. I realized I really have to use my gift. I have a gift to be able to create and I definitely do not use it enough.

Flight of the Conchords This funny folk comedy duo from New Zealand I've been listening to and watching since this past summer have cracked me up so much. Their song "if you're into it" is my new ringtone. I will let it ring a little bit longer than my past ones cause I enjoy it that much! haha!

Superbad saw the movie with my friend Jeff from back home, freaking loved it. I really thought it was going to be that... super bad. But definitely made me laugh a bunch.

Nice Text Messages thats all. you know when you got a good one. :)

Its been 2 years since one of my best friends passed away. He was living the dream and going to his dream school at MIT. He was beautiful and loved by everyone. I can't tell you how much my standards were raised about guys. Its hard to match up to him. I love and miss him so much... so I'll share some of my favorite pictures of him.
Zach I miss you. Come home.



this picture above was taken the weekend before he passed on thursday december 1, 2005. I miss him so much. words cannot explain how much.

Well I'm a NaBloPoMo failure... i think i skipped about three days? Oh well. My thanksgiving was pretty good, it was the first AMERICAN thanksgiving we had. As some know, we're really Polish in my household and American food for an American holiday is unheard of. Thanks to epicurious.com we got a couple amazing dishes out like Herbed stuffing and Chive and Parsley Mashed Potatoes (looked like pistachio ice cream!).

I hate it when you try to forget someone and then when you see them you get all sucked back up again to the same place you were before. I hate trying to forget people but people don't seem to make it hard on themselves to forget me. I feel as if I've been left behind more than ME being the person that is doing the leaving. The leaving doesn't even have to be physical. I've been in the same room with people who have left me behind in their past. Kind of hurts.

I had my first shift at work last night... it was pretty fun, liked the atmosphere even though I REALLY don't understand the whole BLACK FRIDAY rush. Learn to do online shopping, for real. It surprisingly only took me about 5-10 minutes to find a parking spot though and pretty close. pretty sweet. :)

I'm feeling really bored lately. As if I don't know what to do with myself. I'm taking a break from some things in my life and I don't know if its the right decision or not. I don't know what to do because I'm always the one giving advice and not the one receiving it. Or at least it feels that way.

I hate it when friends turn into monsters. They just talk down to you or try to make you feel inadequate or even try to censor you. Not cool. You just literally feel like crap when they say something minuscule that may be aimed towards something about yourself. I'm growing a backbone so I don't really like to tolerate those people in my life anymore. I think one of the things I hate the most is when people try to censor what I think or my artwork or whatever. I was raised in such an open family (they were strict about school and curfew and stuff) that was all about doing what you love and saying what was on your mind. So coming into a community where not everything is laid out on the table really irks me sometimes. Just cause i don't know what is appropriate or not. Whatever that means.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I feel as if I got split open or just pried open with force and all the colors, creativity, personality, just oozed out into a colorful mess on the floor in a pile with my skin, hair, and bones that no one wants to sort out.

(picture from nataliedee.com)

"Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic mister know it all"
- RHCP "Scar Tissue"
I have so many scars that its hard to take pictures of them all. the biggest one is on my left knee that I got four days before the 5th grade started. I was heading down a large what seemed like a large hill on my bike, bumped over the curb, did a somersault/superman move over my handlebars, hit a mailbox headfirst, scraped my knee, and of course cried my eyes out like any 9 or 10 year old girl would do. This scar pictured happened back in May or so of this year, i remember because its the last scratch I'd get from my beloved cat, Dinah (named after the cat in Alice in Wonderland). Okay, you guys think I'm a crazy cat lady. Well you're wrong. I'm a crazy cat lady in training. Get it right. Whatever, But yea I just look at it and it reminds me of her. You can hardly see it in the picture but its right below my wrist bone and is a horizontal line... like a dash. Kind of like the dash between birth and death dates. Its more noticeable in person so I guess you guys can't really experience my little memoir unless you really know me. Theres something about animals that just calms you down. Connects you to something bigger. I'm nuts I know, but I loved that cat. She was my companion and nap buddy for 14 years, how could I not be attached?

Its amazing how scars don't always have to be physical either. You can be hurt in so many ways.

Don't hurt each other.

this week's Friday5

1. If you were on a game show and could phone a friend for help, who would your lifelines be for sports, arts & music, literature, history and geography, and science?
Sports would probably be my friend Karl... he seems to know everything about sports. plus he's always playing one. Arts and Music would be Laura or Marta, Literature would be most definitely Brett, History and Geography most definitely = JJ. its his major haha! Lastly science would probably be Ian and Jon... bio major and the other a veterinary medicine major.

2. When you need someone with muscles to help you with a task, who’s the first one you call?
haha any of the brickhouse boys. Its just a house full of brawny men. haha!

3. When you need some creative help with ideas for a project, who’s the first person you call?
Laura or Brian. Super creative minds. I love it.

4. When you have a moral dilemma and need advice, on whom do you rely most?
Alicia when shes here... But for breaking rules I call marta... she is my partner in crime even though she's all the way in freaking London, England!

5. When you need to know the best way to get somewhere, which of your directionally-gifted friends do you call upon first?
Unfortunately... I am that friend. So if I'm lost... God help my other friends! ;)

Laird Hamilton, if you didn't know already, is one of the (if not THE) greatest big wave surfers in history. He is interviewed in Relevant Magazine for the Nov/Dec issue and I had no idea he was a believer. Freakin eh! Thats awesome! These are my two favorite Q&A's he had with the (incredibly awesome) magazine (that everyone should go read)... italics were put in by me by the way:

"Relevant Magazine: The 'thanks to' section of your Laird DVD ends with the following text: '... most of all to the one who made it all possible, the Lord.' Can you describe your relationship with God?
Laird Hamilton: Yes. Its an ongoing struggle to follow the messages in the bible that are designed to make the lives of Christians easier, to help us bypass of the pain and problems of this life. At the end of the day, we're all just people who share common struggles, urges and issues everyone has. Some of the churches I've visited have made me sad because the people there seem to have forgotten that Jesus told us not to judge, or we will be judged. I think it if were up to man, we'd all be cast into hell, because we're all quick to point out other people's flaws. I don't like to broadcast my relationship with the Lord because I don't want to be running around saying, 'Look at me, I'm perfect. I'm holier than thou,' because I'm not; I'm not great. I'm grateful for the forgiveness I have in God. In some ways life is easier when you don't know God, because once you know Him you're accountable.

RM: How do your experiences with 60-foot waves and other incredible forces of nature affect your posture towards God?
Hamilton: They make me grateful. Looking at my life, at the blessings I've had and continue to have, I realize that I am unworthy. I need to remember that I'm just a man-I need the hope, love, and grace the Word offers. I have to consciously remember to be positive and to give thanks to the Lord. There are blessings everyday, but its so easy to get off track and not acknowledge that.' "

Definitely have mad respect towards this man. :)


P.S. a surfing video on Laird Hamilton. He's basically a BAMF if I've ever seen one.

.. so to all my guy friends who have started dating or having girlfriends... don't make me feel like one. I've had at least a few of my really good guy friends just STOP talking to me after they have gotten girlfriends. One of my friends has gotten engaged and I understand that his fiance might not like him talking to another girl... but I've talked to him WAY before they even started dating. He still sends me things on facebook or whatever but never picks up his phone, responds with one word answers in texts, etc. Its ridiculous. If you consider me your friend then you should sure as heck act like it. My other friend, I know he gets my texts because he texts other people that are around me.. but he never responds. I'm really good friends with his girlfriend who KNOWS we are just friends. Plus its a friggin' long distance friendship anyway... Theres no way that you would be able to cheat on your girlfriend even if you WANTED to. And not that I would even want to. I don't ruin relationships. I don't want anyone messing with the guys that I date... so why would I want to mess with your relationship with your girlfriend? Are you really thinking I am that selfish? Well dude, you're 150% wrong about that and please don't flatter yourself that much. I like you... but i don't "like-like" you. Psh, it just makes me tired because I've been left behind by so many friggin people. I don't need people ignoring me. If you don't want me to be your friend, then tell me... and I'll stop talking to you. God Forbid, you have another person caring about who you are and what you're up to. If you're worried about your girlfriend being uber jealous... then I understand... that your girlfriend can't handle you having friends. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. And please, don't be one of those people that are consumed by their relationship and have no friends after you guys end it. I want to be there if you're ever in trouble, but it sucks when I can't even reach you. Or even if I do, you don't have the integrity to even call me back or whatever. Grow some balls and get over yourself.