Saturday, August 25, 2007
There is such an emphasis on what success is now... I feel as if when you actually achieve it, you're not sure if thats really what success ultimately means to you. I guess the topic is on my mind because I've been trying to write a good resume to send out to magazines for internships. I don't know how to make myself stand out on a piece of paper because there is so much more to a person than that. I know that I am a dedicated and passionate person... but how will the people at the magazine know that? I wish I could ship myself in a box to the editors and just pop out and state, "I'm my resume!" ... but that won't happen. ha! I know I have to learn how to market myself well... I mean I am in advertising for Pete's sake. I just have to actually make my brain work for that. I've never had to promote myself all that much... because I've always tried to put the emphasis on other people and things. Its not about me, this life, you know? Don't get me wrong... I can be selfish sometimes... but I'm pretty selfless too. I like it when other people are happy and they succeed in something they have been working in... that sometimes I forget that I have to work on that too. I cannot always watch and be happy for others... because then I'll just become frustrated and bitter when I do not go anywhere. Maya Angelou said something that I have come to love, "Nothing works until you do,"
I've started on working now.
I had to stop work today for the first time in forever. I do not think I have ever felt this bad or ill in a long time. My heart felt squeezed and there was a constant pressure on my sternum. I felt like i was going to throw up and I was just hot and clammy. In the past four years that I have worked there, this is the first time I could not finish a shift all the way through and I felt so horrible about it. I had my wisdom teeth pulled the previous Friday and had recieved new antibiotics for ever so pleasant bacteria guests that were trying to set up camp in my gums... and I am pretty sure that the antibiotics caused some of this pain.
There are so many things going on in the world that just seem so out of tune or out of wack. There was a hot air balloon that burst into flames yesterday that killed a mother and daughter (while injuring many others), the fires happening in Greece are now thought to be a political kind of rebellion against the elections that were supposed to be on September 16th (but are now postponed to honor the losses and to investigate any conspiracies), and the midwest has been Mother Nature's target for rain, rain, oh and more rain, and power outages. We all seem so small when you come to think of it. So many things are out of our control... and sometimes the things that we are fully capable of controlling, we do not take care of or handle to the best of our abilities causing anger when things go awry. I'm trying to be a lot less controlling... which is working for my benefit. I know that I cannot be responsible for everything and that is a huge weight that is lifted off of me. I have to take care of the things and people around me to the best of my abilities and to handle things with love and not an iron fist... or tongue... whatever.
Situations can be a lot easier when you adopt love as your belief system. If it worked for Christ, it can work for you. Christ may have died a criminal's death... but his life showed more compassion, love, faith, and honor than anything else... and thats something I can definitely respect.