Monday, December 31, 2007

Do you ever just not feel right? Like something in your life is going awry but you have no idea what is it or what not so you cannot do anything about it? Or you just get a funny feeling about people? Thats definitely what I'm feeling right now. Not too good to have that on new years because its making me anti-social. I don't really want to go out tomorrow. I just feel like i should be hibernating tomorrow night and the next two days that I have off. Ugh. Life is weird right now.

always beautiful. but weird.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid I wanted a treehouse. I was jealous of Bart Simpson for having such an awesome pad in his backyard for Pete's sake. But this above tops them all. If I had that tree house (called "Spirit Spheres") I would of been the happiest kid. EVER.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

that made me chuckle a bit. haha!

Monday, December 24, 2007

I like LOVE project runway probably more than I do a lot of things in my life. I mean, Heidi and I are basically dating so I'm kind of biased. But I was so sad when jack left. he was amazing and i think this video proves his fabulosity. ;)

Hey guys, because I'm Polish, we're celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve... always done that! But since i'm going to be busy hanging out with friends and family the next two days I wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas!

And even though many think that Santa is the one you should be celebrating remember that Jesus is the reason for the season!!!

Merry CHRISTmas!

Friday, December 21, 2007

This year, I will not...

beat myself up about my weight or looks I will do my best to eat healthy and exercise for health. I have to accept the fact that I am a bigger boned girl and I will never be like those girls in the magazines. My looks are not who I am. It is a fun way to express yourself but just because someone seems prettier than me or more beautiful does not mean that they are perfect. No one is.

buy cheap underwear! 'nuff said.

buy impulsively or emotionally Its a bad sign when people are spending money as if it were as multiple in their hands as the germs that are actually living on those hands. I promise to myself that I will spend my money wisely on stuff that will last awhile and was made with care... which brings me to my next unresolution...

buy stuff that was made with conflict I promise to make more of an impact on our Earth's greenness and make sure most of (if not all) of my stuff was made organically, homemade, cruelty-free, etc. to be one more person that is striving to make a difference instead of being indifferent.

take my friends for granted They have stuck by me for a reason. There is a reason why they are attracted to being my friend and I have to make sure I share the same interest and gratitude towards them as they have to me.

Be indifferent to learning about stuff that will help me in the future ... but just not realize it until too late. I promise to myself to learn about good credit, how to look for houses, how to stock market works, where my food is coming from, which politicians will benefit us, international affairs, how to fix cars, etc. I will strive to be independent.

neglect my walk with Christ I have been having some trouble with that lately. "I'm so tired of having this stumble I've been calling a walk"

let my artistic talent go to waste I will not think i am not good enough. I am enough. It takes practice.

give guy jerks a chance once you cross me, you cross me. Don't take me for granted and don't treat me like dirt. Treat a lady like you're supposed to and how your mother taught you. You're not 5 years old on the playground anymore and you're not a horny teenager in highschool trying to score anymore.

neglect myself I will take proper care of myself. I used to take good care of my body before and pamper myself regularly and thought I have become vain... no, i was just taking care of myself. It'll up my confidence and make me feel good.

What are your UNresolutions for 2008?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

*Now this post is not aimed towards any specific person... so no worries mates :)*

So as I have been talking more with my friends, I have noticed that a lot of them have said that many people have felt intimidated by me at first impression. The more I look at the situation, the more I can agree and see what they mean. First, the most obvious thing is that I am a six foot tall girl. I also am not shy, I am not delicate, and I'm pretty vibrant. Even when I am docile and a little quiet, I have a stoic expression on my face that isn't easily approached.

My apologies.

So to all people, please approach me. No wonder I had few friends in highschool... people were intimidated. I'm really not that bad. I'm just like a normal person that wants friends and wants to be happy. My life is not perfect just like yours. My life is good sometimes... just like yours. I'm a normal girl.

And this post is mainly written for guys. Okay, I'm decent looking. I know it and I won't be fishing for compliments saying oh no i'm not! Cause.. whatever. But guys... don't think that you don't have a chance at all with me. I probably think the same of you guys sometimes. I've had guys saying "Oh you would never date someone like me," How do you know? Do you guys seriously think that I base my dating standards on looks first? Sure physical attraction is wonderful but PUH-LEEEASE... Personality is so much more important. What good is a partner if you can't even relate to them? I don't want a doormat that looks pretty on my front step or a good accessory, I want a guy who is a partner.

You guys never give me a chance. If you do, its all in good fun and temporary. How am I supposed to give you a chance if you won't even give me one? Its frustrating because a lot of guys I have liked in the past have told me they felt the same way the same time I did... just not anymore. I'm totally fine without a relationship but I would love a guy to have the balls to pursue me like a real man. Psh. I don't know... i mean if you like a person get to know them. How are you going to get to know them or know that you want to be with them if you're scared of talking about stuff like that?

a. don't be scared.
b. give me a chance to get to know you...
c. ...and then we'll both decide if we're right for each other.

understand? I sure hope so. so please guys... brush up on that confidence that makes you so much more attractive. ;)


Saturday, December 15, 2007

Things I love this week:

Long Phone Conversations I love being able to talk for a long time on the phone with a friend that you haven't been able to talk to in a while. My friend Kevin, from california, called this past week and I just totally loved that conversation where we've been able to update each other on our lives. We've both been busy with school and misc. things but we talked about everything from school to travel. Pretty awesome.

Realizations I realize I'm a highly visual person. I don't know. I read this quote in Nylon magazine by MK Olsen where she says that she is the same way and everything she does has to be pleasing to the eyes. I Love art and expressing yourself. There doesn't have to be a reason for it but I'm just terribly bored when people all look the same and do the same stuff. I also was watching the top 40 videos of 2007 (according to VH1) and I loved the videos and how artistic they were. I realized I really have to use my gift. I have a gift to be able to create and I definitely do not use it enough.

Flight of the Conchords This funny folk comedy duo from New Zealand I've been listening to and watching since this past summer have cracked me up so much. Their song "if you're into it" is my new ringtone. I will let it ring a little bit longer than my past ones cause I enjoy it that much! haha!

Superbad saw the movie with my friend Jeff from back home, freaking loved it. I really thought it was going to be that... super bad. But definitely made me laugh a bunch.

Nice Text Messages thats all. you know when you got a good one. :)

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Saturday, December 8, 2007

I think the biggest mistake I make is holding back. I hold back a lot because I've lost trust and faith in a lot of people. I'm slowly bringing it back into my life but i think being wary still has its perks (of course). But I've lost a lot of relationships from holding back and not being completely myself. I think my head has been manipulated by the media saying its not okay to be vulnerable sometimes. Actually, now that I think of it, I don't I have a clue of where the line really is. Because I sometimes find myself on the very far ends. I sometimes open myself up too much and sometimes I just close myself off completely. I'm a freaking weird person... I like it though. I would love to be able to love fully and honestly though, I mean who doesn't?

I've held back in telling my friend zach how I really felt about him and our friendship until it was too late. We talked about pursuing a relationship and then he passed away. I wish I told him I loved him more and all that comes along with having grief over a death. Its not something I can change but I can definitely learn from it. Truth is, I still hold back sometimes.

Can someone keep my accountable?

Is there someone you need to be more intimate with?
Not sexually but honestly, truely, and fully there as a person and friend?
Is there something you're so afraid of not working out so you just put it off?
Do you not express yourself because you've been told you're not talented enough, smart enough, cool enough, fast enough, or whatever?
Are you holding back words that are meant to be said.

I'm one of those people that believe if something is on your mind constantly, there is obviously a reason it won't go away... now that I write that, it seems obvious but let me explain. I mean its something that is meant to be in your life somehow. I just pray to God to get an answer of where those things are supposed to be in my life.

Other stuff in my life...
- i like my job! for once i do not have a job that I leave pissed off everytime!
- God keeps pulling me in directions where I would do stuff with my hands. to create and to make things... I'm liking it a lot.
- Money is not an issue anymore. I'm so excited.
- I'm getting my christmas present in the mail next week! woohoo imac!
- three days in a row off next week! oh man, so excited! going back to dayton to see the family :)
- No romantic relationships during the holidays thus far. we'll see. :)
- I've made a new years resolution to not drink coffee more than once a day. meaning one cup or so a day. I think I'm addicted. about 4-6 cups average a day is normal right? haha! I like green tea a lot better anyway. :)
- slept till 11:30 AM today. AHHH!!! YAY!!! for once i got to sleep in! woohoo!
- I'm obsessed with Ben Lee lately. Take a listen on his myspace.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

i'm freaking giddy. the giddiness that happens only after a boy.

hmmmmm wonder whats gonna happen. :)

but i have to be cautious. cause you freaking boys caused my paranoia... so i always have to be careful. mmmwell.

sleepy time. i think i'm slap happy cause i've had a total of like 5 hours sleep the past two nights. ohhhh man. night night guys :)

Monday, December 3, 2007

All I want to do is sleep and read and I can't even read what I enjoy and I can't even sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I'm going crazy! I hate finals week!!!

Edit: Check out Sierra! she's a really cool girlie who has commented on my blog and isn't afraid to censor herself.. hmmm just my cup of tea. Enjoy her blurbs, rants, and thoughts... they're pretty sweet and dead on! :)

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Its been 2 years since one of my best friends passed away. He was living the dream and going to his dream school at MIT. He was beautiful and loved by everyone. I can't tell you how much my standards were raised about guys. Its hard to match up to him. I love and miss him so much... so I'll share some of my favorite pictures of him.
Zach I miss you. Come home.

this picture above was taken the weekend before he passed on thursday december 1, 2005. I miss him so much. words cannot explain how much.

1. You're not going to get along with everyone.

2. Friends fade away... its possible to not have a lot in common with someone anymore... you're not going to talk to them like you used to.

3. cookie dough always tastes better than the actual cookie.

4. The guy you thought was perfect isn't... and proves it over and over to you so you that you are constantly reminded. but hopelessly feeling stupid.

5. 8 hour days for work are normal? Maybe?

6. that lightening up is good for the soul.

7. power naps are the best when its cloudy or cold out. Naps just in general.

8. The holidays are overrated with the whole relationship thing.... and wanting someone for the holidays.

9. Your friends not only fade away but they're mortal too. You'll lose loved ones in your life you never thought you would to the most stupid things.

10. Kissing your life as it is... is the best way to deal with the depression that you can face when you feel like you don't belong... but saving your money and thinking about how you're gonna book it out of here when its all done and over with is good too. :)