Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Of home hair dye anymore. yayyyy my super blonde hair is back! My roots are still a little golden so I'm going to go back and see if I can get any toner or whatnot... but yay! Go Sally's Beauty Supply :)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Okay, so its not halloween just yet... but I love myself some dress up costume parties :)
I had a friend who died. I am sure a lot of people have friends in their lives that have passed. My friend Zach passed away almost three years ago. I can't believe it has been almost three years since I've talked to him last. I remember talking to him the sunday before he died and I told him I'd call him back later because I was going to go watch Family Guy with my friend Steve in the dorm next door. 7:14pm. Sunday. Last time I ever heard his voice speaking my name. I would do anything to get that back. He passed away five days later.
The reason I am writing about him now is that I keep having the most vivid dreams about him recently. I mean, the past couple of years I've had numerous dreams. But never so many in a row. I dreamt last night that he was reading a letter to me, filled with memories he wanted to tell his friends about us. We have less memories than I'd like because of the distance... But he didn't seem to know. He was wearing a blue plaid button up shirt and his torn up abercrombie jeans. His floppy blond hair was beautiful and I felt as if I could touch it. I somehow got called into the office at my University... umm there is like 500 offices! I don't know how they found me... I told Zach I'd be right back... but the advisor told me I owed them money... lots of it. They wouldn't let me go until I paid them in full. I got nervous and anxious because i knew something bad was going to happen to ... the advisor left to get some paper work and I proceeded to do some damage around his office and deleted all my information off his computer. I felt anxious in my dream and even in my dream I was running because I had to get back to Zach.
I found him in a field with other people, I don't remember their faces. But he was okay, and they were all looking at something in the same direction. I threw myself at him and hugged him. You know when you can feel the body of the person you're hugging? Just the curves fitting into yours? I felt that. Even in a dream, I felt that his body was against mine. I was so relieved he was okay. I kept yelling to the advisor that I had to get back, and the feeling was urgent, and now that I got there... he was okay. He hugged me really close and It felt. so. real. He had a camera and wanted a picture of us. We don't have any of us together... I just have pictures I took of him and thats all. The camera tried to take a picture, and failed. again. again. and again. That's when I woke up... frustrated I couldn't get another memory with him. I wish there was a type of technology that enables you to take the pictures you have in your head.
You know, I always wonder why God took him away from us. from his family. from me. I'm so jealous of all the people that have found their loves and God has let them have them. Let them kiss. Let them hold hands. Let them make memories for until death parts them in the end not in the beginning. Let them marry. Let them share each other. Zach was "it" for me. Finally. I found someone who cherishes my mind and heart. He was mine... for a little bit. God gives us the deepest desires of our heart but I feel that all I can think about is how i want Zach back. I think that if i were given the option of having him back, I would give up everything to have him back. If it meant that he could live and if I could die then I would take it. I just want one more day. I keep making up memories that aren't true. I want reality. I still have his number and I still listen to his voicemail. I'm not ready to let him go. It's been three years, I feel I have to.
if you ever hang out with me and feel like I'm obsessed with taking pictures, or wanting to see you even though you live 5 bajillion miles away....it's because of Zach. I don't want to lose anymore friends and I don't want people to lose me. You have to work hard to keep your geographical points close. I feel guilty because sometimes i feel as if I didn't work hard enough. God I feel has a plan, we may not always agree with it... but it's going to happen. I just wish it didn't happen in a circumstance where I cannot see my friend for a very long time.
Today is going to be hard.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Little things in life really make me appreciate it... it being life itself. Today I had a pretty hard morning, my thoughts elsewhere and not in the present. I am wanting to move out to settle somewhere more peaceful as well as to kind of move on with my life. I'm trying to get an internship and I want to have a place that feels more like a home when I get back. I don't know... I've just had difficulty settling down ever since I moved in. This is my senior year, and that doesn't really matter when I'll look back on it... but I was really looking forward to just relaxing and keeping calm with the people I am used to. I had a bad experience living up on North Campus and this house just reminds me of it all.
Another bad thing that happened was that I was walking down the steps of campbell hall today when my feet slipped out from under me and I put a couple of nasty gashes in my brand new phone... That's why I really can't have nice things... I just ruin them. But luckily I was able to replace it easily :) and not to mention... I got a spiffy new case. :) So thats when things picked up and showed me how many amazing people i have around to me to help me out... and to show me that they don't like to see me upset...
Then went over over to roll to tell shawn I got a new bike... talked to him for a little bit and made me glad to have new friends... and vegetarian friends too :)
now just going to do some positive/negative drawings for my design class... I have no idea what I'm doing. gooooood luck to me. :)
I graduate in June 2009... hopefully. so I've compiled a list of possible things to do around Ohio State University and Columbus before that glorious day comes.
Here are some tentative things to accomplish... some serious and some not.
1.) Get an internship.
2.) Make a chalk drawing on the Oval.
3.) Establish a sort of (unofficial) guerilla art club.
4.) explore every classroom building. there is so freaking many.
5.) Go to every bar in the Short North.
6.) Go to every gallery hop before I graduate.
7.) Go to a North Market Festival.
8.) Go to Mercy for Animals meetings regularly.
9.) Have a professor I'd actually want to keep in contact with after I graduate.
10.) Go to a show at the Newport. Still have never been.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Life has been good. I've been blessed lately. I really don't have too much to complain about... just some minor things that i have to get the courage to work up to speaking about.
but this night ended so well.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
This is kind of an ironic post, considering my last title about two posts back. So I was looking at an older post and read it over again. The list written out was one about stuff I want to do before I get married and I feel that one of the things on the list I have done already. Number eight talks about how I want to make a large mistake and learn from it. I feel like parts of my life have been a mistake, or are an ongoing constant mistake. This past year, I opened myself up to a person of the opposite sex only to be completely burnt and left alone. I cannot see myself trusting him again. If I could not trust him romantically, how could I trust him as a friend?
Either way, I feel that without that experience I would be still wanting a boyfriend or yearning for that certain male presence in my life. I am fine without a boyfriend and have been in the past... but with this guy I think it was that I really wanted to be touched and loved physically (whether it be by holding hands or kissing). He felt that I was just getting too attached when he was wanting anything but. We patched things up a little bit to where we were civilized towards one another after weeks of not speaking to each other (because, let's face it, he was a complete and utter sissy), and I still had feelings for him. I knew they were completely over on his side when I saw him before I left for my six week vacation this summer and he high-fived me instead of giving a hug. Recently I've been burned by him again by what seems like a lie. He probably, I'm 90% sure, did not mean to never make me want to date again but he hurt me to the point where I wish he would move so I wouldn't have to be in pain anymore seeing him.
It may sound harsh and a bit rash but I'm fine with deleting a person off of facebook, myspace, my phone, ripping tickets and memories because its the only way I can completely get over a person, male or female. I just don't see the sense in keeping the person around because I am constantly tempted to look at pictures or reminisce about old times. Also seeing them with a significant other would just eat me up inside, whether or not it was personal or not.
So basically, back to what this post was originally about, I've learned to keep some things to myself. That, to me, is huge. I'm usually a very open person in the sense that I will let most anyone into my life. I always felt like I was ostracized and not accepted when I was younger so I never wanted anyone to ever feel that same way. I now know that there are some things that you should keep to yourself. Some things that are meant to be kept pure and just for one other soul and not someone that will burn it with their hands, words, and actions. I will never let anyone burn me like that again. I am currently being pursued... which is completely lovely and pure... but I know my boundaries and I have stated them... I am human and I know what I am capable of and what I am not capable of. We'll see how this goes... one day at a time.
But poetry has struck me as a way to cope:
Your smile was never for me.
It was always meant for someone else.
Nonetheless, it tore at my flesh
and made my bones shake.
It was all too soon.
the kisses were not real, just deception.
A whirlwind of hope and imagination
of things that I lusted for.
Brittle you made me,
My body is no more my own.
You took it like a property,
burning what was pure and good.
Your words like confused darts
quaked and wobbled my world.
Behind coal glasses layed a serpent
waiting to watch a planet burn.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
You will get me this moped scooter:
I probably need something more than 150cc if I'm going to want it to be highway certified...
More like 200cc+ :)
and I'm not usually a fan of pink... but damn... that scooter is wicked hot :)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Do you ever feel like you have so many ideas but you can't figure out a way to execute them? I definitely feel a little bit of pressure to start on some of my ideas...
Life has been kind of a whirl lately. Getting back from Saranac definitely hits you when you realize that people aren't working for the same thing. Saranac is bittersweet in the sense that it is a Utopia that has the best people in the world there but it doesn't prepare you for the things and battles you'll have coming home. Just lately my life has been consumed by work and playing catch-up. I've moved locations on campus and in the midst of it all, have realized how much useless crap I have... so I purged about 70% of it. Thats a horrible statistic, but whatever. I still need to get rid of a ton of stuff, so when I have time I'll give it away to Goodwill or Salvation Army.
Only about 5 more days until I turn 21. What a weird time in my life. Last year I thought it was so weird that I wasn't a teenager anymore and now I'm just weirded out how quickly time flies by in your lifetime. I remember so many things from years ago that are so vivid they might as well have been yesterday. I'm excited though to be able to order a drink with a meal or just go out and not be judged or whatnot. Having a double birthday party with my friend, Andrew, so that should be fun! :) Life is good.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Hey guys I'm back from vacation.. I've been in the process of moving soooo needless to say my computer access has been unreliable (i have a desktop that I have to lug around).
And the apartment I was looking at fell through so I have no where to really live. I've been crashing at a friends until I get a place. bleh.
I'll definitely give you a bigger update later.. but for now.. I'm back!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
So I was really excited to find the Saturday9's meme to be beach themed.... since that is one of the things that makes me the most happy! :)
1. Do you plan to be at the beach this summer?
Heck yes, I will in Oceanside/Carlsbad this coming monday and Taylar and I are going to be total beach bums :) Alright, we'll do some surfing :)
2. Do you have a favorite beach?
Hmmm not really because I've been mostly to lakes and not beaches. I do love the beach off of Lido, Italy though. Beautiful horizon and good memories with my family
3. How old were you on your first beach trip?
REAAALLLY little. Little enough that I had to go to the Hospital because I ate everything I found on the beach because I didn't know better. Don't worry, I don't do that anymore. :D
4. Did your folks own or rent a cottage at the beach?
We did up in Canada a couple of times, but we're not that ritzy to have a beach house. I wish!
5. Have you or would you bring your kids to the same beaches you went to as a kid?
I would love to! This is my plan if I ever actually do have children... They are probably going to start swimming before they walk, they will own a surfboard before they own a bike, and they will probably be able to hold their breath longer in an underwater challenge than on land. In essence... they will be complete little water babies. :)
6. What type of bathing suit do you wear at the beach?
I'm on a mission right now to find the perfect retro 50's skirted swimdress in red and I found two (1 and 2) but they are both in the $80+ range. boo :-\. I like bikinis but I don't have the body yet for it. Plus I like a little modesty and freedom to move around without worrying if you're going to pop out of your top when a wave comes crashing in or when you're about to dive for that sand volleyball. I'm not just a lay out type of beach girl. I like moving :)
7. Do you have favorite food you like to eat at the shore?
I like to stay hydrated. But cookouts are always fun :) so bbq food... well actually more fresh cool fruity stuff to cool a hot day
8. Do you have a favorite drink you like at the shore?
9. When is the next time you will be beach bound?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
well I know when I'll be back again... but I'm traveling!
I will be traveling starting July 14th to August 22nd. If anyone wants to contact me they can do it by cell phone or by email! Starting July 25th to Aug 22nd.... Lots of love appreciated if you write to me at:
4014 State Route 30
Saranac Lake, NY 12983
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I am at home for a doctor's appointment and its been nice to relax and calm down a little bit back where I grew up (in Dayton, OH). It turns out that a lot of my stomach problems (i've been insanely hungry all the time even with eating full and complete meals) are due to stress. I feel like I always have something to think about. I'm the kind of person that cannot focus on just finishing one thing... there is always one more thing to take care of and I can't help but think about it. I'm still debating whether or not I should go to Europe this summer or take this summer to take care of myself instead of running away.
click above for product info
I get all my memes from thedailymeme.com... I don't really like tuesdays or wednesdays because I feel like there aren't a lot of interesting ones... but I liked TMI tuesday this week... usually I don't relate to a lot of the questions they post because I'm not in a relationship, married, etc. but whatever! Good questions this week! :)
1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why?
I think this is HIGHLY true. I mean look at people that are pro surfers, who are making art, etc. Basically people who truly did what they loved and not because they were worried about financial responsibility. I really hate money. You cannot live without it and you feel like you cannot live with it. I think people should honestly think about what they want to do with their lives that makes them happy and just go and do it. LIfe is too short to be a slave for money just so you can buy an extra pair of shoes (although, man, I love me some shoes :P) and something so temporary.
take Kassia Meador... a pro surfer. She's freaking happy and joyful and she is doing something she loves for a job! Strive for that!!! (21 min 59 sec)
2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference?
As I said in the previous question I just work to live... Just enough so I can have food, gas, etc. I am trying to get rid of my dependence on my car so I can ride my bike and save money. I think people should probably put more thought into their purchses. I mean that is a big reason why people work so much besides working for rent and groceries. Instead of saving up for something like... a new iphone at $199 or $299 (okay, i still would love one... but it's just materialism)... put that money to a vacation with your friends? Because in 30 years you're not wanting to look back at this point in your life right now and be like "Oh man, that was a great phone." or "man, that jacket was the best thing I've purchased in my life!" you're going to want to look back at the beach trip, road trip, europe trip, whatever your heart desires trip with your friends and have memories, and inside jokes, and laughter that will still be something that you keep with you and will be with you for as long as you live.
3. How many hours do you work a week?
Now that it is summer I think around 25? I prefer to work less... during the school year probably 15-20. I know people probably think that 25 isn't a lot of hours... and it really isn't compared to a lot of people's jobs... but it is for doing something that I'm not going to do the rest of my life. I don't know, I'm just a student right now that wants some extra moolah to be able to do the stuff i want! :)
4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little?
I don't think I had a safety item. I was really brave. I think if I could go back in time and tell myself to keep being fearless. I think all children should be admired because of their innocence and wonder for learning and seeing what the world is like. WHen you're young, everything is new. I always always the one asking for direction to somewhere, how to do something if I didn't know how to do it, and I would be the first to do stuff. I wasn't afraid. Now i'm more afraid to take risks because i know that there are consequences. I shouldn't be afraid but it is installed in the back of my head to worry a tad. Before, when I was younger, I didn't know what risk and consequence were. I should go back.
“Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when I was six and my biggest problem was what kind of dress to put on Barbie or whether or not I had enough Legos to build a fort”
5. Have you ever used food during sex?
Ha, this is way random based on the previous questions... I wouldn't know because I haven't been to that part of my life just yet! :)
Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure?
I eat pretty healthy! I don't really find a lot of pleasure in bad foods. I think I get more joy out of eating something that is going to do well for my body. I love fruits and smoothies, I love roasted vegetables (especially asparagus and carrots!!), and I love eating new things. I don't really find much satisfaction in sweets, but I do like ice cream once in awhile :)
part one - Rob Bell - Rich
part two - Rob Bell - Rich
Monday, June 23, 2008
Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?
I'm a huge talker... I find it a lot easier to engage in conversation. I want to get to know the other person but sometimes they don't let me. I feel like i'm interrogating them... I honestly have been kind of zoned out lately and have not been a totally good listener... I should listen more. Silence is harder than noise so I think that is why I try to fill all the empty space. I do although think I hog a lot of the talking and should let the other person talk more... I don't know how to become a better listener... maybe to stop talking? stop worrying about what to say? I don't know.
Do you think God has a sense of humor?
Honestly?! I do think so! Think of embarrassing moments... Those have to stem from somewhere. Think of all the awkwardness we put ourselves through. It's inevitable.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you ever experienced it?
I don't believe in love at first sight at all. I think that there is infatuation and lust at first sight but I definitely feel that you can become intrigued by a person's looks and that kind of makes you feel drawn to them. As far as falling into love... I think that is something that takes time and patience. It is something that grows. But I mean, I'm just talking from my experience thus far... and it's not really a whole lot. I know that a relationship based on purely physical stuff will never be deep nor will it be completely fufilling even though it may be fun.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I like these question things... so I'm going to keep doing them if you want something to read. :)
1. The other day I purchased gas for $3.96, which was less than the $4.37 my local station charges per gallon. What is the current gas price in your area for regular?
I filled up some of my tank today for $4.09 a gallon. YUCK. I remember when I first started driving with was around $1.60 a gallon and now its basically 3x or 4x as much.
2. Will your vacation plans be altered by the price of gas?
Probably. I would love to take a roadtrip somewhere and be able to be free and anonymous... but I feel like i have to work a ton more just to be able to pay for gas. Yuck. I should start riding my bike. I have a little more motivation now for riding ;)
3. Is there any movie this summer that you're looking forward to seeing?
I still need to see a ton more from the past... but I would love to see Mister Lonely, The Fall, and... Kung Fu Panda ;)
4. Gas prices aside, what is your favorite vacation destination?
Europe... which I am trying to make my way out to this summer... but its not working due to the lack of interest in a person subleasing my house :(
5. Will you watch more film on DVD than in theaters this summer?
Probably... or online :)
6. Will you fly anywhere this summer?
Hopefully Europe... then california... and I'll probably drive to new york for saranac summer staff.
7. Guess: How high will a gallon of gas peak at?
8. Will gas prices effect who you vote for in this fall's election?
I can't vote. I'm freaking canadian living in america
9. How much will the price of home heating oil effect you?
This is probably not a good survey to fill out with a headache... Our gas bill was almost $400 a month with the thermostat being 65 or below... soooo as long as my bills are below that with the heat higher up... I will be fine!
ENjoy some Xavier Rudd :)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
1. Have you made any life-style changes lately? If so, what are they? If not, are things fine the way they are, or would you like to change something?
I've begun to care a lot less of what people think of me. I'm trying to eat less bad food (junk food vegetarianism has caught up with me). I've begun to refuse to accept just settling. I would still love to change a lot of things but those come with time.
2. Do you believe in the institution of marriage? Why/why not?
I believe it is still possible. I would like nothing more than someone to love. To show that they are wanted. I watched the episode of Friends today that almost made me cry. The one with the proposal of Chandler and Monica. Its hard to watch people to in love with each other because its frightening.... I'm scared that I won't find that person and each guy seems to be another discouragement... but i definitely believe it is possible. I want that someone to know that they are wonderful and extraordinary and just perfect in my eyes. I definitely want to make that commitment.
3. How's life treating you these days?
It's summer and it is warm and beautiful. Not much can go wrong. I just remember that it's not that bad and things usually perk up a little bit. Life is beautiful y'know :) I would definitely feel more comfortable being somewhere else.... just getting away for a little while and forgetting who i am. I think everyone kind of needs that.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman
5 of your favorite cookies, (or cookie recipes.)
Its totally more about the dough than the actual cookie! But I really don't eat them enough to have FIVE favorites... so I'll give you one: Saranac Village's Snickerdoodles :) best cookies EVERRRR
5 things you’re afraid of.
- really deep, dark water.
- spiders (I don't like the way they crawl)
- losing my creativity
- becoming overweight (its something I still deal with after overcoming an eating disorder...)
5 things you would like to learn.
- How to do a cartwheel. I've never done one before!
- how to play the guitar well
- how to decorate well
- how to write and read Polish fluently
- How to surf well!!!
5 things you wanted to accomplish at the beginning of the year, but you haven’t yet done (if you have 5.)
ohhhhhh i have no idea!! I'll have to go to my list of things I want to do before I die for this one.... would take way too long!
5 of your favorite things to do during the summer.
- lay out and get super dark and tan. :)
- go swimming or any water sport in general
- grill out
- enjoy my free time that will not last forever!
I am almost two weeks into my summer vacation and it is everything that I expected it to be. Liberating and quite enjoyable. I like the feeling that I can do whatever I want when I want and not have anything due the following day. My bike is finally getting all put together tomorrow (I had to get a new frame) and so I will have my beautiful amazing bike in my possession again! Hopefully the labour costs won't be too high.
I miss mentoring and leading like I did last year. I was a youth group leader last year and I honestly miss seeing the high school girls I used to see all the time. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of stuff by not being there for them all the time. Looking at facebook pictures makes me feel like I should be doing more and I could be more of an influence. It definitely helped keep me on track and accountable.
Thats what I feel i really need. Someone to help keep me accountable and responsible for the decisions I make. Someone that can mentor me because I definitely cannot do this life on my own. I feel people older than me have so many stories, pieces of advice, and wisdom to share that us younger people don't understand or have the patience to listen to and comprehend anymore.
“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.” - Lewis Carroll
Monday, June 16, 2008
I love parts of the oean and sea in clothing and jewelry. I need to get to the ocean asap. and get an iphone to organize my chaotic life ;) not necessary... but wanted :)
If your personality had to be summed up as a sandwich, what kind of sandwich would you be?
The blackened tofu sandwich from the PPK.com. Its got lots of yummy things like tomatoes and lettuce but then a spicy kick with the tofu. yum. :)
If you knew that someone was dying, but they didn’t know, would you tell them the truth or deceive them about it?
I would just spend as much time with them as possible. I mean if i told them, then maybe they would wake up and do everything they ever wanted to do. But then again, maybe they would get depressed? I guess it depends on the person.
Do you dress the same when you are depressed as you do when you are very happy?
I care about the way I look in my dress. I don't think I would ever really dress drab just because I was feeling drab. that would make me even more depressed. My face is usually expressive enough to tell you whether I am sad or not.... Plus, life is too short for bad clothes :)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I figure I should write... being in the summertime I figure I would have more time to write but apparently thats not true. Whats happened in this span of time? Tried to fix my ibook... didn't work, selling it for parts. Trying to sell my ipod as well... both are just bleh. I am also getting my bike frame repaired. woohoo! Come tuesday, I will be reunited with my bike once again! :)
Sorry is a simple word that can fix a lot of difficult things.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
... thinking about the past.
... lowering my standards because I think I can't get anything better.
... being a fraud.
... being apathetic.
... skating barely by.
... not taking responsibility.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I'm feeling frazzled.
french homework (at least 10 workbook pages by tomorrow) DONE!
Assignment for Recitation on Thursday. DONE!
Group Design Project due Thursday DONE!
- Start my 8 page research paper
- interview discriminated people (ugh, don't ask)
- make a profile about those people for comm221
- make study guide for comm460
- read design thinking article & write about it
- chapter 8 french for extra credit (I need it)
and all by next week. blaaahhh.
exactly 2 weeks until I am home free. :)
and I've been on a Polish music kick as of late. just giving you a little taste of the motherland :)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I've been looking at this website.. but its not until i started creating sets that I realized how addicting it can be. :)
Friday, May 9, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I am so scared.
Not the type of fear that I get from watching a zombie movie or when I'm all alone at home and hear a scary noise. I'm so scared of life sometimes, like now, that I fear to keep going.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I am 20 years old. I know that I do not know everything nor will I learn everything there is to know. What I do hate is people acting as if they know everything already without learning a little bit themselves from the people around them.
I have a teacher who is basically my age... maybe add on about 3 or 4 years. She looks like a like a little punk with a nose ring and a lip ring and her next tattoo showing. Okay, so I'm all for those types of things in general. I love tattoos and I love piercings... but not on my educator. I feel as if I have not been learning anything in this class. I have gotten a few bad grades... one on peer editing! I edited someone's paper... and got a D on the editor's paper! How! I am so confused. Either way, I feel it has been sort of rocky since one of her absences and I feel very lost. I've asked for her help and while she has given it to me, there does not seem to be any kindness or willingness in her tone or voice to help me. I feel like a burden in that class. She has laughed at a student that has asked a question before as if something completely stupid was asked, when in fact it was not and about 75 percent of the class was wondering the exact same thing.
You can't win at everything. But this day, even though beautiful outside, has been anarchic towards me. Nothing is working the way I wanted to. I mean even my eggs! They were bad to me too! I couldn't separate the yolks from the whites for some odd reason.... and so I had to eat the yucky yolk. :( Good burrito nonetheless. :)
25 school days until Ohio State is out for the summer for me. Ohhhhh JOY!!!!
:) and here is something good for the day... makes me feel horrible for eating eggs though.
Monday, April 28, 2008
I wonder if people really know what it means to go green? And when did consuming become activism? I don't know, I would think that using less waste and being more resourceful would be more "green." I would love to reduce my footprint on this Earth... I'm taking small steps towards it. I've stopped all my junkmail from reaching my apartment, i only drive my car to work and long distances where a bike wouldn't go, I don't eat which reduces animal waste, etc. I'm no saint that is for sure... but I do try. It is just funny when people have these shirts that say "peace now" or "go green" and there does not seem to be action behind it. I feel that there is a lot of other things besides environmental concerns that have that lack of support behind it.
The more and more I read about the Earth being destroyed, the more and more I get excited about having a house of my own. I read about collecting rainwater and making rain barrels for flowers, I can't wait to grow vegetables in a garden, I can't wait to have my own chickens so I dont ever have to buy eggs again (ha!), I just can't wait to breathe fresh air. I hope thats a kind of life I can have. Just enjoying what God gives me. I know I have a lot of stuff to take care of and learn before I can do that, but a girl can dream :)
Speaking of dreaming, I cannot wait for summer... because I often find myself blanking out in class thinking of the beach or just brilliant sunshine.
I finished about 100 surveys today for a comm class. UGH. one made me miss a person terribly when I saw their name. :(
Well now that I am done with homework... its time for some sleep. class tomorrow at 8:30. :(
Friday, April 25, 2008
and I'm glad cause I ate crappy food and it knows now that I cant handle that kind of stuff anymore. Yay being used to good healthy food!
boo bad 65 cent box of mac and cheese. i should of known anyway.
oh temptation is creepin.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Which is a good thing I suppose? This weekend was kind of uneventful but I got some work done. Friday was a good day with going to the Justice Revival at the Vineyard Church in Westerville, OH. I missed Shane Claiborne the previous night though which is a bummer :(. Really wanted to hear him speak because I read his book this past summer while I was in California.
Speaking of California, I'm waiting for my internship opportunity to give me the yay or nay. AHH! It is so frustrating waiting for something you want so badly! Story of our lives, eh? I know that God has some amazing stuff planned for me but its definitely a bummer when you know you can't control what you want. But then again, it's definitely a good thing... Less stuff for me to worry about :)
So friday, heard the Justice Revival about mentoring and basically being a servant of God. It was pretty good. I have not been in awhile. They brought up Isaiah 58:6 through I'm pretty sure 14... and used that in their service.
6 Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.
Saturday was a great lazy day. I went swimming for the first time in forever. Since I think this past summer in August. I swam out in California when I was on vacation and I have not been since. Bummer cause it is awesome! I have goggles and everything :) Watched two huge surfing movies too. Riding Giants and Step into Liquid. Amazing people those surfers. I do not know why I love this culture so much but I just do. I love that with this sport you do it for the pleasure. It's like a drug that is amazing for you and they say once you catch your first wave... you're hooked. I want to be part of that. SO BAD. But so yes, Saturday made me want to buy every surf video available. :)
Riding Giants Trailer
Step into Liquid trailer
Rest of saturday just worked... and it was so dead. Weird. My dad came home that night after finishing a 190 bike race. 190!!! I am so proud of my father. I admit that for awhile we didn't like each other. At least i did not. I thought my father was childish and socially handicapped for awhile. But I love and appreciate him so much. He tries so hard in everything he does and he finally found something he's good at. He's good at everything after awhile because he has incredible dedication and willpower but this time he is really amazing. He has lost about 50 pounds and at the beginning of his journey in biking he could barely bike 10-15 miles. Now he is finishing 190 miles in about 12 hours in less than a year. What progress!!!
But when he was sitting down on my couch, drinking green tea with his 40 spoons of sugar (ha!), he had me sit next to him and just held me in his arm and I cuddle next to him. I just snuggled up and felt his warmth. I love my father. Ha, i was watching Rock of Love: The Reunion last night... and as trashy as that show is, there was a very touching moment. Destiney, a contestant on the show, lost her father two weeks ago due to liver cancer. She started bawling and even Bret Michels shed a tear. I cannot imagine my father gone. Who would help me? Who would comfort me when no one else would? Who would believe in me? I'm tearing up as I write this. He is freaking incredible. I'm so proud of him. I have the best father in the world.
Sunday, no work... means homework. Finished French and enjoyed my sunday with Bethany and eating taco bell. :D I need to stop filling my body with crap and go back to eating raw, healthy, veggies and fruit. I was good up until like a week ago when I ran out of food money. :-P P.S. Taco Bell ran out of beef last night? Seriously. I don't eat beef (or just meat for that matter) but... taco bell? Out of beef? Seriously? ha!
But anyway, French test today... :) gotta study. Talk to you amazing people later :)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
So, I just discovered this guy named Josh Pyke and I am in love with his music. My favorite song is "Middle of the Hill" and I found two versions of the video... So here they are, I suggest watching both :)
And my mother knew the words to a lot of different songs
And we'd always sing the harmonies, yeah we'd sing along
She had cold, cold hands when the fever hit
And then the noises that the trains made sounded like people in my head
And the stories that the ceiling told
Through the pictures and the grains in the pine-wood boards
And let me stay outside 'til the sky went red
And I could cool my head on the concrete steps
And you could never really see the top from the bottom
But I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I got 'em
And you could never really see the top from the bottom
I don't pay enough attention to the good things when I got 'em
- Josh Pyke "Middle of the Hill"
Just a real genuine story of childhood that isn't fabricated. Wonderful. Really. :)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I found a dog tonight under my porch. If anyone in the Columbus area wants him... please take him. He was very dirty and emaciated :( poor guy, prob got abused. I'm going to take him to a shelter tomorrow morning. :-\ i wanna keep him. He looks like a bulldog/pit bull mix. I hope he wasnt used for dog fighting... poor little guy. and STUPID people. Ugh.
Friday, April 4, 2008
This fridayfive is totally irrelevant to me. but I have nothing to write you tonight. so here it goes.
Where can you get some really good pancakes?
Wouldn't know. I hate the things.
How do you like your pancakes?
not on my plate.
What’s your theory on why restaurant waffles are so much more expensive than pancakes?
because they're better than wiggly pancakes... and they actually have pockets for your syrup!
The pancake chef is going whip up a batch of the most interesting, creative pancake invention you can imagine. What will you order?
if by pancakes you mean a really great egg omelet... mushrooms, cheese, tomatoes, and onions. oh and green peppers! Thanks!
When was the last time someone made you pancakes, not counting visits to restaurants?
A long time ago. If someone proves to me, though, that not all pancakes are bad... I am willing to reconsider my comments about this evil little breakfast.
:) have a good friday!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I have a problem being happy sometimes... and it is definitely getting me down to know that. And I do not want to be that friend anymore. So I'm going to start giving you some little tidbits from my life that give me joy :)
It's 9:30 am and already...
1. The sun is shining. My Lord, I love the sunshine. I LOVE feeling the sun on my face. I don't know what i would do if i lived in a rainy, cloudy place. That would be Hell for me. Not only fire but just overcast skies. all the time. bleh
2. I don't work until 4pm, so I can enjoy that sunshine in it's prime hours and get out of class at 1:18 to do it. :)
3. My new hair still smells like the shampoo from the salon. One of the best smells in the world! Haha, I should write down later what my favorite non-food smells are or something... I did that with non-musical sounds a little while back.
4. Finding really sweet Bible verses in my email. Philippians 4:10-13 is such a great little passage. Paul is talking about how he knows how to have very little and how to have plenty. God gives him strength through all things and that is the source of his contentment. Knowing the Lord will provide and take care of him. Makes me definitely trust the Lord more... so I printed out that passage to stick by my desk :)
5. I get to see a certain handsome someone today :) Its always a good day for that!
a little treat for you guys to get your day going with your morning coffee (Thats what I did!) :)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
And thats okay. My friend, Ryan, told me I was. haha, i bet he was joking. Either way, I was thinking that yea, some of the stuff i do is kind of considered weird. for example:
1. I don't only collect sunglasses cause I like them (p.s. a favorite pair of mine just got stolen during my 2 hour stay at the gym. ugh), but i also just like to wear them... all the time. I think its s security blanket going across campus. I don't say this to sound conceited... but a lot of people look at me. Sometimes it makes me feel like a freak-show so I just kind of put sunglasses on and hope to avoid people. It makes sense to me.
2. I don't like taking the first thing on the rack. I'll usually take the third. The first makes me nervous that other people might of shaken it/worn it/broke it, etc.
3. i write down everything I'm going to do.... not like super planning... but i write my to-do list like 3 times a day.. editing stuff. okay thats really OCD.
thats all i can think of right now. meeeehhh. brain fart.
really cool site!
truegreenconfessions.com people confess how they're saving the planet... or not. also go to other ones for some funny, sad, heartwarming, cruel, beautiful, etc. confessions. completely anonymous too.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
cross your fingers for me. I just sent in my resume to a magazine for an intership. ahhhhh
some surfing action for you guys :)
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
...new. I like em. :)
I freaking hate school
french book: $123.99
comm books: $160 together (thankfully i found out i wont have to pay for one)
design: $15 (thankfully she didn't make us buy the actual textbooks... which would of totaled OVER 250 for ALL)
printer toner: $40.87
index cards: $5
some of them aren't all that much... but when you have other externalities like gas, food, and misc things like that... it gets to be a lot. hey me, welcome to the real world. UGH.
Tags: All about Me
(If thats even in my future, let's pray that it's a possibility :) cause I want someone to shower with tlc and don't have to have an excuse to do it!) ... So if it is... this is what i want to accomplish beforehand
1. Travel for awhile and visit all my friends that I have not seen in awhile. I have a lot of cool friends just living out of the America or within the states.... but about 3 or so states away... so needless to say I don't see them often.
2. Have my art in a gallery. Doesn't have to be dedicated to just me, although that would be nice. I need to perfect my techniques and really churn out some good pieces. I'm my biggest handicap... I need to actually start producing pieces again.
3. Start writing a book or compiling my journals to create some story about me, or a character like me. I don't know. I feel different than a lot of people and if people saw excerpts from my journal... maybe I would be able to find people to relate to.
4. Learn to wakeboard... well. :)
5. Learn guitar and learn to songwrite.
6. buy something to completely spoil myself and not worry about if it is going to affect my joint checking account or upset my spouse. :)
7. Take a road-trip/beach-trip/any-kind-of-lets-get-outta-here-trip with friends.
8. Make one large mistake and learn from it. I don't know what. I just know that God has stuff planned for me and I'm just kind of sitting here twiddling my thumbs and living it out... I always learn from what He hands to me.
9. Make a documentary out of that trip in number 7.
10. buy my first house/apartment.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
1. The sunshine and breeze that you feel on your face is not going to give you a windburn that cracks your face off.
2. flip flops. sandals. itty bitty ballet flats. HELLO! you get to wear cute shoes.
3. The smell of greeness. of mulch. of flowers (lilies are my favorite... so to anyone that wants brownie points with me... ahem) mmmmm so good.
4. The birds singing, it makes me smile :)
5. the oval during Spring Quarter at OSU. Okay, so I don't like the hundreds of bikini clad girls.... but throwing a frisbee on the oval is good fun
6. No more running mascara cause I rode my bike in -15 degree weather to get to class on time! I can ride it while enjoying the breeze!
7. Leaving for class a half hour to an hour early with a blanket to lay on because you know if you go through the oval (which you will if you go to class) you're going to see your friends and want to hang out with them.
8. Baby animals during the spring. The mirror lake ducks have like 945349285943243985423 babies that follow them everywhere and then there is "single-with-cute-puppy-to-attract-half-naked-cooing-girls" guy. FYI guys with puppies, none of the girls are really interested in you. They just want to play with the dog.
9. Gallery Hops in the Short North, so much more enjoyable when its warm out!
10. finally... SOME consistency. With winter... you get like 20 inches of snow one day and then its 70 degrees the next. with spring it's either sunny or rainy... but warm!
Friday, March 21, 2008
... Okay so I do not live completely alone. I have three other roommates, but they are all gone on spring break!!! Sigh, I'm so jealous of them vacationing while I have to work in Columbus... boo. But I get the house to myself! Even if its just for a few days! Yipee! Don't lie people, if you have roommates, you secretly are gleeful when you have the entire crib to yourself! Here are some of the reasons I'm excited to have a place of my own someday (although, I will miss the constant company I have had the past three years... but people will always be welcome to come over!).
1. Not doing to dishes right away. I usually hate dirty dishes in the sink... but with no roomies, I don't feel obligated to clean them up asap. hehe
2. not having to close the bathroom door to do your business. ha! Sometimes i have to pee so bad that I can't be bothered with closing and locking the door so no one walks in on me. Women look so miserable and vulnerable squatting on the toilet. :P
3. Blasting my music. Okay I do that anyway to piss off our noisy neighbors next door... but I rather like having my music sounding all through the house without actually taking it downstairs.
4. Vegging on the couch and watching tv without worrying if I'll disturb precious college study time
5. walking around in your skivvies or less... yea, i said it. you enjoy it too! i mean, you're freaking free as a bird! :)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
... playing with photoshop destresses you. :)
yay for photoshop tutorials. psdtuts.com is a pretty sweet site.
i'm calm now that my finals are almost done. just one more speech on Thursday and I can breathe for a week! yay!
and speaking of happy, this commercial makes me smile. Oh axe body spray...
Sunday, March 9, 2008
It shocks me how much stuff is made with conflict. Conflict with animals, conflict with people, and conflict with countries. Although I hated, despised, loathed my anthropology class; it was pretty eye opening to see what was going on in other parts of the world. I have found different websites that show the practices of different corporations or websites that give a real view of what countries are going through to build their economy.
I would love to consume without conflict. Does anyone know of cool, good quality companies that do not test on animals, exploit labor, etc. and still have beautiful things? Its really all about price because I'm a student... but I feel I'm more willing now to cough up the cash if it means no one was hurt in the process - human or non.
P.S. there is 15 inches of snow here in Columbus! Anyone else hit by the storm?! Mind you, it was 70 degrees on Monday last week. It's now Sunday and its a total of 18 degrees. Oh Columbus! I am so confused by you.
Here are some pictures taken by one of my co-workers: