I am at home for a doctor's appointment and its been nice to relax and calm down a little bit back where I grew up (in Dayton, OH). It turns out that a lot of my stomach problems (i've been insanely hungry all the time even with eating full and complete meals) are due to stress. I feel like I always have something to think about. I'm the kind of person that cannot focus on just finishing one thing... there is always one more thing to take care of and I can't help but think about it. I'm still debating whether or not I should go to Europe this summer or take this summer to take care of myself instead of running away.

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I get all my memes from thedailymeme.com... I don't really like tuesdays or wednesdays because I feel like there aren't a lot of interesting ones... but I liked TMI tuesday this week... usually I don't relate to a lot of the questions they post because I'm not in a relationship, married, etc. but whatever! Good questions this week! :)

1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why?
I think this is HIGHLY true. I mean look at people that are pro surfers, who are making art, etc. Basically people who truly did what they loved and not because they were worried about financial responsibility. I really hate money. You cannot live without it and you feel like you cannot live with it. I think people should honestly think about what they want to do with their lives that makes them happy and just go and do it. LIfe is too short to be a slave for money just so you can buy an extra pair of shoes (although, man, I love me some shoes :P) and something so temporary.


take Kassia Meador... a pro surfer. She's freaking happy and joyful and she is doing something she loves for a job! Strive for that!!! (21 min 59 sec)

2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference?
As I said in the previous question I just work to live... Just enough so I can have food, gas, etc. I am trying to get rid of my dependence on my car so I can ride my bike and save money. I think people should probably put more thought into their purchses. I mean that is a big reason why people work so much besides working for rent and groceries. Instead of saving up for something like... a new iphone at $199 or $299 (okay, i still would love one... but it's just materialism)... put that money to a vacation with your friends? Because in 30 years you're not wanting to look back at this point in your life right now and be like "Oh man, that was a great phone." or "man, that jacket was the best thing I've purchased in my life!" you're going to want to look back at the beach trip, road trip, europe trip, whatever your heart desires trip with your friends and have memories, and inside jokes, and laughter that will still be something that you keep with you and will be with you for as long as you live.

3. How many hours do you work a week?
Now that it is summer I think around 25? I prefer to work less... during the school year probably 15-20. I know people probably think that 25 isn't a lot of hours... and it really isn't compared to a lot of people's jobs... but it is for doing something that I'm not going to do the rest of my life. I don't know, I'm just a student right now that wants some extra moolah to be able to do the stuff i want! :)

4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little?
I don't think I had a safety item. I was really brave. I think if I could go back in time and tell myself to keep being fearless. I think all children should be admired because of their innocence and wonder for learning and seeing what the world is like. WHen you're young, everything is new. I always always the one asking for direction to somewhere, how to do something if I didn't know how to do it, and I would be the first to do stuff. I wasn't afraid. Now i'm more afraid to take risks because i know that there are consequences. I shouldn't be afraid but it is installed in the back of my head to worry a tad. Before, when I was younger, I didn't know what risk and consequence were. I should go back.

“Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when I was six and my biggest problem was what kind of dress to put on Barbie or whether or not I had enough Legos to build a fort”

5. Have you ever used food during sex?
Ha, this is way random based on the previous questions... I wouldn't know because I haven't been to that part of my life just yet! :)

Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure?
I eat pretty healthy! I don't really find a lot of pleasure in bad foods. I think I get more joy out of eating something that is going to do well for my body. I love fruits and smoothies, I love roasted vegetables (especially asparagus and carrots!!), and I love eating new things. I don't really find much satisfaction in sweets, but I do like ice cream once in awhile :)


part one - Rob Bell - Rich


part two - Rob Bell - Rich

I think the biggest mistake I make is holding back. I hold back a lot because I've lost trust and faith in a lot of people. I'm slowly bringing it back into my life but i think being wary still has its perks (of course). But I've lost a lot of relationships from holding back and not being completely myself. I think my head has been manipulated by the media saying its not okay to be vulnerable sometimes. Actually, now that I think of it, I don't I have a clue of where the line really is. Because I sometimes find myself on the very far ends. I sometimes open myself up too much and sometimes I just close myself off completely. I'm a freaking weird person... I like it though. I would love to be able to love fully and honestly though, I mean who doesn't?

I've held back in telling my friend zach how I really felt about him and our friendship until it was too late. We talked about pursuing a relationship and then he passed away. I wish I told him I loved him more and all that comes along with having grief over a death. Its not something I can change but I can definitely learn from it. Truth is, I still hold back sometimes.

Can someone keep my accountable?

Is there someone you need to be more intimate with?
Not sexually but honestly, truely, and fully there as a person and friend?
Is there something you're so afraid of not working out so you just put it off?
Do you not express yourself because you've been told you're not talented enough, smart enough, cool enough, fast enough, or whatever?
Are you holding back words that are meant to be said.

I'm one of those people that believe if something is on your mind constantly, there is obviously a reason it won't go away... now that I write that, it seems obvious but let me explain. I mean its something that is meant to be in your life somehow. I just pray to God to get an answer of where those things are supposed to be in my life.

Other stuff in my life...
- i like my job! for once i do not have a job that I leave pissed off everytime!
- God keeps pulling me in directions where I would do stuff with my hands. to create and to make things... I'm liking it a lot.
- Money is not an issue anymore. I'm so excited.
- I'm getting my christmas present in the mail next week! woohoo imac!
- three days in a row off next week! oh man, so excited! going back to dayton to see the family :)
- No romantic relationships during the holidays thus far. we'll see. :)
- I've made a new years resolution to not drink coffee more than once a day. meaning one cup or so a day. I think I'm addicted. about 4-6 cups average a day is normal right? haha! I like green tea a lot better anyway. :)
- slept till 11:30 AM today. AHHH!!! YAY!!! for once i got to sleep in! woohoo!
- I'm obsessed with Ben Lee lately. Take a listen on his myspace.

Its so quiet. I love it. For the first time in a couple of days I have no noise going on in my house. Right now I have everything done that I need to get done for school... well minus about 15-16 pages of French that I've procrastinated on... but I'm surprisingly not even worried about that right now. My room is finally (somewhat) clean. I cleaned the rug and so it actually looks fresh in here.

I wonder why we're so scared of silence. I hate it when no one talks for a long time and then some dipstick says "awwwwwkward!" It wasn't awkward until you said it. Thanks. But seriously, silence is good. We're filled with music and television allllll day. And people that you don't want to hear talking but you have to listen. There is noise everywhere and I'm so glad that I have silence right now. I put on some music earlier to calm me but then I just turned it off.... and it feels so much better.

I'm going to go through my itunes and weed out all the crappy music I don't listen to anymore or is just not my style.

I work 40 hours next week. Just what I need during finals week. :(

Check out this delightful video of Natalie Portman. I just love her voice and how beautiful she is. I really want to be her friend.



She talks about the five most beautiful non musical sounds to her and it got me thinking about what my favorites were.

1. I love the sound of the wind coming in through the window during the springtime. Having my window open makes me happy. I hate stale air and I just love how the breeze comes in and kind of whistles.
2. I love my friends' laughs. They all sound different and fit with each person's personality. I think my favorite is my friend Katie's. Its probably one of the most joyful sounding laughs I've ever heard. :)
3. This is musical but I love My mom singing the polish lullaby she always sang to me when I was little. I think this winter I'm going to record her singing it so I can play it when she's away. I'm 20 years old but I love having my mom cuddle with me and tuck me in. I hope I can offer the same amount of love to my children that she has shown me.
4. The sound of the ocean. I just love the seagulls, the crashing, the sun even seems to make a sound.
5. The sound of the coffee machine just blurbing and babbling when it makes my coffee. I freaking love coffee and it just tells me that its almost ready :)

Wow, that was actually a lot harder to think about than it seemed at first. I'm going to have to pay attention to a lot more stuff now. :)

alright, I gotta get to class. But I love you all. Have an amazing day

what are your favorite non-musical sounds?

Well I'm a NaBloPoMo failure... i think i skipped about three days? Oh well. My thanksgiving was pretty good, it was the first AMERICAN thanksgiving we had. As some know, we're really Polish in my household and American food for an American holiday is unheard of. Thanks to epicurious.com we got a couple amazing dishes out like Herbed stuffing and Chive and Parsley Mashed Potatoes (looked like pistachio ice cream!).

I hate it when you try to forget someone and then when you see them you get all sucked back up again to the same place you were before. I hate trying to forget people but people don't seem to make it hard on themselves to forget me. I feel as if I've been left behind more than ME being the person that is doing the leaving. The leaving doesn't even have to be physical. I've been in the same room with people who have left me behind in their past. Kind of hurts.

I had my first shift at work last night... it was pretty fun, liked the atmosphere even though I REALLY don't understand the whole BLACK FRIDAY rush. Learn to do online shopping, for real. It surprisingly only took me about 5-10 minutes to find a parking spot though and pretty close. pretty sweet. :)

... I'm not doing the whole nablopomo thing anymore cause I skipped two days? I don't know. whatever. My life these past two days didn't even let me near a computer. Which is amazing, cause I'm trying to spend less time wasting time on the internet anyway. :) hehe

I had my job training this weekend from 9am-6pm both saturday and sunday, I'm pretty pumped about it and I feel like i actually get along with the people there. haha! its gonna be a good thing

Honestly, I don't feel like writing much. I'm still sore from mirror lake jumping (weird?) and I think i'm going to read some. peace out :)